Out to sea...

March, where did you come from? As you get older time goes faster. I remember being a child and wishing time would speed up so I could grow up. Now I sometimes find myself wishing I could go back in time for a day. The carefree time of a child. Now Im grown and have kids of my own. I have a wonderful husband who has a job that is less than wonderful. Im thankful for the job though with the benefits. Stephen is out to sea, again. I cant say when hes coming back, its confidential. Just for their safety. Patrols are horrible. Im exhausted by the end of the day. Dosent help I usually start off tired. I dont sleep as well when hes not home. I dont sleep well to begin with so bring in that fact and it adds for little sleep. My kids are much more demanding. They dont want to leave my side. Caspen has the hardest time. He acts out more. Trying to discuss with him we all miss daddy and we cant act this way last for a few short minutes. Its amazing how each kid acts differently. Caspen acts out more, cries for his daddy and does anything for attention. Willow is more emotional, but dosent act out. She is just more easily to become angry or cry. That leaves me needing to stay strong. I do my best to stay busy. Sometimes to busy, adding to my already tiredness. When I was little I always wondered how my life would be as an adult and this isnt what I imagined. I remember seeing this woman drop off her child. She was dressed up and had her hair pulled back with a bow in it. At that moment I said to myself when I grow up I want to be like her. Be a mother who is happily married, work in a office and have a bow in my hair. I think of it now and feel like a dork. I wouldnt change my life for hers. It has its hardships, but their mine and Stephens. Its our life with our memories. Its not something I look forward too, but I cant help but feel happy and sad to think about Stephen and I, old, our children grown, enjoying eachothers company and remembering these crazy days. Looking back at the books I make for him when he goes underway. Rereading the letters he sent me when theres a maildrop. I will miss these days, but I look forward to those days with him. Being seperated a lot, when he retires will be our time to never be seperated again. Although I have to say when he comes home seeing him is like seeing him for the first time. Even if hes in his poopy suit and smells like the boat. Poopy suit is their work uniform that is just a one piece suit.  I hate him leaving, but I so look forward to seeing him for the first time again.